諷刺係一把雙刄劍。有腦嘅人聽咗笑完之後會諗深一層, 仲要多謝你點醒佢添。笨人可能會牛皮燈籠咁, 點極都唔明, 就算聽明咗仲可能會嬲你一世。
諷刺嘅層面可以由惡意傷人到老友之間無傷大雅嘅搞笑。 拿捏得度就係幽默; 去到盡不留情面就會損人自尊。 唔係人人都識得點去諷刺。過火就成日得罪人, 搞到朋友到冇個。
日常生活中偶然適度咁諷刺下, 談話之間加兩錢幽默, 好似煮餸落些少蔥花, 吊下味就會冇咁單調。不過一日到黑口沒遮攔, 自以為了不起, 叻唔切咁周圍逢人就啄, 得罪人多稱呼人少, 咁以後人地唔只當你講嘢冇句真, 仲當你係神枱貓屎, 神憎鬼厭。
以下係一啲諷刺示範(附上拙譯), 睇下得啖笑好喇, 千祈唔好太認真。
1) Everyone has the right to be stupid --- but you're abusing the privilege.
2) When someone says: "Expect the unexpected", slap them and say, "you didn't expect that, did you?"
當某人說: "期望意外之得", 掌他一記耳光, 然後說: "意料不到吧, 是嗎?"
3) Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.
4) I am not sarcastic, I am brutally honest.
5) I like rumours! I find out so much about me that I didn't even know.
6) I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
7) I am not always sarcastic. Sometimes I am sleeping.
8) I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
我永遠不會忘記一張面孔, 但對你來說, 我樂意破例。
9) Find your patience before I lose mine.
10) I am not arguing! I am just explaining why I'm right.
11) Laughing is the best medicine. But if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
12) If "Plan A" didn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters! Stay cool.
13)“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” Ashleigh Brilliant
14) “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” Groucho Marx
15)“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” Groucho Marx
16)“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” Groucho Marx
17)“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.” Ambrose Bierce
18)“I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?” Jean Cocteau
19)“I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.” Unknown
20)“I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” Ludwig Wittgenstein
21)“Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.” Frank Lloyd Wright
22)“We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.” Vince Lombardi
23)“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” Emo Philips
我小時候每晚都祈禱, 希望得到一輛單車。後來我明白這對上帝來說是行不 通的。因此我偷了一輛單車, 然後向上帝乞求寬恕。
24)“If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.” Mark Twain
假如不讀報, 你便不了解情況; 假如讀報, 你便被便誤導。
25)“Do something productive. Stop being yourself.” Sarcasm Society
26)“Don't be humble. You're not that great.” Golda Meir
27)“I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.” Ashleigh Brilliant
28)“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” Ashleigh Brilliant
29)“A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. ” Abba Eban
30)“I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.” George Bernard Shaw
31)“Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.” George Bernard Shaw
32)“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw
33)“A true friend stabs you in the front.” Oscar Wilde
34)“I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” Oscar Wilde
35)“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” Oscar Wilde
36)“The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” Oscar Wilde
37)“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” Mark Twain
38)“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Mark Twain
39)“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” Mark Twain
40)“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.” Mark Twain
41)“I never let schooling interfere with my education.” Mark Twain
42)“It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.” Charles Pierce
43)“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” Winston Churchill
小姐, 或許我是醉了。但明天早晨我自會清醒過來, 而你的樣子依然難看。
44)“A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.” Steven Wright
45)“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.” Rodney Dangerfield
46)“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres
我亞嬤60歲開始每日行5里。 依家佢97歲, 我地都唔知佢行鬼咗去邊。
47)“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde
48)“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” George Carlin
49) Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!
50) I'm not sure what's wrong... But it's probably your fault!
51) People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
52) Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
53) Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
54) I'm smiling. This should scare you.
55) Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much. You're not that good.
56) Mom: Have you picked out what you’re wearing to school tomorrow?
Mom: What is it?
57) If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
58) I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
59) I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
60) 3 AM. Phone call
- Hey are you asleep?
- No, I was in coma thank you for rescuing me!
--- 喂, 你瞓咗未呀?
--- 冇呀, 我昏迷咗, 多謝你救番醒我!
61) Oh… I didn’t tell you…. Then it must be none of your business.
62) Someone said that you didn’t have half a brain, but I defended you, I insisted that you did!
有人話你半隻腦都冇, 不過我撐你, 我堅持你有!
63) A washing my car:
B: Hey what’s up? Washing your car?
A: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
乙: 做緊乜呀, 洗車?
甲: 唔係呀, 我灑緊水睇下架車會唔會快高長大變成一架巴士啫。
64) I find it funny…
But I have forgotten how to laugh... Damn!
幾好笑吖 ... 不過我唔記得點樣笑 ... 頂!
65) Police pulls over a speeding car:
Cop: Mam, do you know why am I standing here?
Driver: Cause you got all D’s in high school?
警察: 小姐, 知唔知點解我企喺呢度?
66) Before talking please connect the tongue to the brain.
67) You are funny, you make everyone laugh except when you joke.
你都幾有趣喎, 除咗你開玩笑嘅時候, 你搞到個個都笑。
68) No, you don’t have to repeat yourself, … I was ignoring you the first time.
69) ---You fell asleep?
---No I just closed by eyes for few hours.
---No I just closed by eyes for few hours.
70) Just because people don’t understand you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
71) DAD… What do you want to be when you grow up?
KID… An adult.
父: 亞仔, 大個咗想做乜呀?
72) Cashier: Hi can I help you?
Me: No I just stood in line for 20 minutes to say hi.
收銀員: 你好, 有乜可以幫到你呀?
我: 冇嘢, 我排咗4個字隊想同你打聲招呼啫。
73) Her face makes me wanna learning boxing.
74) Early to bed early to rise just means you didn’t get invited to the party.
75) A: I hate ugly things.
B: So I’m sure that you hate mirrors.
76) Person 1: What time is it?
Person 2: Do I look like a clock to you?
77) The movie was awesome!! My favorite part was when it ended.
78) Teacher asked why are you late?
Student: Because I didn’t come in early.
79) Person 1: You look great !
Person 2: Sorry ! I can’t say the same about you.
Person 1: Just do like me … Lie !
甲: 嘩, 你好靚喎!
乙: 對唔住, 我唔可以回贈呢句。
甲: 學我咁, 講句違心話喇!
80) Girl 1: Do you like my new dress?
Girl 2: Yeah, I like it… Are you wearing it for Halloween? :)
81) A- “What time is it?”
B- “There’s a clock right there.”
A- “Did I ask you where the clock was!?”
A: 幾點呀, 依家?
82) Tell me how I have upset you, because I want to know how to do it again.
83) Person 1: Can I ask you a question?
Person 2: You just did!
84) It’s not that they’re ugly. It’s just that everybody else is better looking.
85) If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
86) Don’t worry you’re not as dumb as you look.
87) Police pulls over a speeding car ;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.
88) We crush the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies.
89) I hold the key to world peace, but somebody changed the lock!"
90) "A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
91) Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.
92) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them。
93) If practice makes perfect, and there is no such thing as perfect, why practice?
假如練習能臻完善, 而世上並無完善, 那麼為何還要練習?
94) My door is Always open, so feel free to leave!
95) Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
96) Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
哈哈, 後面隻傻佬一啲幽默感都冇, 睇完Peter篇blog之後木口木面, 冇厘表情, 同佢講嘢真係嘥gas。