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2015年4月10日 星期五

《無語錄》











毛主席嘅《毛語錄》曾經影響1960年代唔少中國大陸人嘅政治思想。當年被捧為天書, 全民人手一本。有統計認為《毛語錄》係全球歷史上印量僅次於《聖經》嘅出版物。我呢個蟻民毫無政治意識, 冇乜嘢值得吹噓, 但不甘寂寞, 所以學下阿Q出翻本《無語錄, 雖然係狗尾績貂, 但願天下男人都人手一本; 女人睇睇亦可以自豪一下。好彩嘅話, 全球歷史上印量排第三我都知足咯。

祝周末愉快!

(以下中文為Peter意譯)

If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel...
想改變呢個世界就趁單身嗰陣時做, 結咗婚之後就算你想轉個電視台睇下都幾難。

Listening to wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. You don't understand it but you still accept it.
聽老婆講嘢好似加入網站時睇註冊條款。雖然唔明白講乜東東你照樣接受。

All Men are brave. Horror movies don't scare them...  But 5 missed calls from wife...surely does.
個個男人都話自己心口寫個 , 恐怖電影當笑片睇。不過, 老婆打五次電話俾你你全部漏聽就包驚到鼻哥窿冇肉。

You tell your wife: "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" and wife asks: "was she hot...?"
You can't say "No" and you can't say "yes" --- now that's checkmate!
: "老婆, 我今日見到個女人, 個樣同你一模一樣。"
老婆問: "係咪鬼火咁靚呢?"
咁請問你答"""唔喺"? 呢個情況就係叫做「死梗」。

Stock Market Effect:
Depressed husband to his fat wife: "You are my only investment that has doubled.
買股票做咗大閘蟹, 蝕清光嘅老公同個二百磅嘅老婆話: "你係我唯一漲咗一倍嘅投資。

Chess is the only game in the world which reflects the status of the husband; the poor king can take only one step at a time... while the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
做老公嘅處境就好似國際象棋嘅棋子; King最可憐, 每次只可以行一步。Queen就最霸道, 打橫打直打斜行幾多步都得。